I actually whisper, as I leave the hotel room, “Show time!” Then, when I’m done for the night, I add, “And…off.” It helps.

Like ballet, the whole thing never becomes easy, but it does become possible.

I had hoped that volunteering for that job would be a way of meeting folks. Turned out not so well, that time.

Volunteering is a double-edged sword. You can get too involved and become caught up in all the group dynamics stuff that I mentioned before. Or help too much. We actually had to do an intervention for a writer friend who volunteered too much. That left her with no time to write. So while it might work to take the edge off, realize that volunteering can cause its own problems.

Conventions/workshops/continuing ed becomes easier with time. Going into new situations is tough for some of us. I think Patrick’s advice is good; go to the same convention more than once. Practice really does help–and becoming familiar with the world helps as well.

What about volunteering at cons/workshops a way for a shy or introverted person to meet people? That’s how I met Dean all those years ago – volunteering to work on a workshop committee. I know there has to be a balancing act with volunteerism so that it doesn’t infringe so much on a freelancer’s time that she can’t get her own work done, but it’s one way for a shy person to learn to interact with a small(er) group of professionals.

Great advice, Patrick. Thank you.

Here’s a couple things.

Peers.
This is who you want to network with. This is your reputation. Since we are talking conferences, the presenters are often who everyone thinks they want to network with. You’ll get a very small slice of time.

If you meet all your peers, it makes it easier to approach or end up in a conversation with the people you think you want to network with.

Tour guiding. Take a peer and introduce them like you already know everyone. Ask questions that they are too nervous to ask. It’s easier to ask someone else’s question than your own.

For the presenters, it’s less intimidating to be invited into a group than anything individual. If you are standing with two peers and the editor you would like to meet walks by, asking a group question or comment is a great thing to do, and it will make you look and feel more confident.

“Hi editor walking by. My friend Jen here has a meeting with you later and she’s really nervous.”

Even though you’ve likely just embarrassed your friend/new acquaintance, you’ve also helped them because it’s the ice breaker for the editor meeting they’ve set up.

If you’ve gone alone, you can find someone like yourself to tour guide. Find out their goals for the conference and help them achieve it. Likely, you’ll achieve many of your own as a result and unwittlingly, you’ve started a network.

As far as finding someone, just pick someone. It doesn’t have to be the first person you meet. The tips in the article are useful.

As far as presentations and asking questions, I think sometimes asking the obvious question is useful. Help the presenter out. It’s always tough to put together a 30-60 minute speech. Sometimes the presenter is stuck and a question will help trigger their brain and start them in a new direction. Lots of times there are people giving presentations that are not naturally gifted at it and the room isn’t giving any energy.

I’ve asked questions like, “Why shouldn’t I stab myself in the eye?” There may be someone in the room who doesn’t know and the presenter isn’t getting any feedback and is becoming nervous about their presentation. Ask the question. Help the presenter out. No one thinks you’re dumb. Well, maybe they do, but they don’t matter. The speaker likes you.

Last piece of advice. Go to the same conference next year. You’ll be more comfortable. You just will be.

I dress up too, Lee, and try to err on the side of overdressed instead of underdressed for precisely the reasons you mentioned. (It’s really noticeable in the States where no one seems to dress well any more, but not nearly as noticeable when I’m in Europe. People still know how to dress there.)

🙂

Kris, you mentioned “overdressed” in your description of us shy folk. In my case, it’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

Showing up at cons in a suit and tie or at the very least nice dress shirt is one of my coping mechanisms. I do much better if I attend in my disguise as a “business professional” and treat the experience as a sort of “job interview” with editors and readers. It also give me a little psychic barrier space when a podium or panelist’s table isn’t handy.

— Lee

Your point about tagging along with someone who networks well is a great one. That’s what I did with Kevin, and what I’ve often done with Dean. On his blog, he just mentioned that I “made” him speak when we won a World Fantasy Award together. Yep, I did. I was too terrified to do so. I’ve truly benefitted from being near a more outgoing person many many times in my career. I’ve also learned a lot from them.

So if you have more tips, the shy and introverted among us would love to hear them. 🙂

Thanks.